There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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