Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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