Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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