Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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