Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
