Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
