Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
