I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
