i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
