In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's never too late to be topless.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize