I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
