I wish i was in the wii world.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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