And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
