New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
