i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
