Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
