operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
