i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
