dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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