I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
