I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
