my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
