M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
