We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
