I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
