The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
