You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
