No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
