I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize