Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
