I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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