Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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