I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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