dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
