doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize