I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
