My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
