I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
