spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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