Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have so many feelings about this burrito
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
