ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
