Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
