If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
