You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
