dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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