East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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