Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
