spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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