Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
