Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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