I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize