Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
