just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
