it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
