Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
