he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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