Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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