I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
