the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
