She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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