You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
