a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
