I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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