saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize