i just google imaged poop.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
