someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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