We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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