Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
