I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
