I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I bet he comes in French.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i now understand why vodka
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
