I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
