Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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