oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
