How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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