Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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