Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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