There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
