I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
