Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
