Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
