is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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