Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
