What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
