nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
honey bunches of taint.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
